monkeys and ponies

oh, hey, fic

2025-12-05T23:40:21Z

A couple (adult-rated) short fics for Wanksgiving IV:

In the Vault
Doctor Who: Missy/Clara
There’s a dead woman locked in the basement. And also a live one, but that’s not the one who concerns the Doctor right now; Missy is fully capable of taking care of herself.
Teaspoon, AO3

One Night in [Redacted by the KGB]
The Americans: Elizabeth/Philip
It's midnight when Elizabeth finally stirs, hand skating across Philip's chest until he wakes.
AO3

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Fic: 299 (1/1, all ages)

2025-09-23T16:11:17Z

Title: 299
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters/Pairing(s): Donna Noble
Rating: All ages
Word count: 1,408
Spoilers: None
Summary: The intersection of coding and design satisfied Donna's restless brain in ways it hadn’t been satisfied since before ... well, before whatever she’d lost had left her adrift again and her mother and Gramps tight-lipped but supportive.

Author's notes: My last story for Keep Fandom Weird bingo, using the Bring Your Fandom to Work bingo square. I gave up the front-end development portion of my business about a decade ago to focus primarily on user experience strategy, but it's still something I know how to do, and it got me where I am today.

Anyway, wonder how Donna got so good at computers by the time "The Giggle" rolled around? This is my explanation.

Thanks to platypus for the beta.

( fic, after the cut )

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Five Moments in Liz Shaw's Life as an Alien (and One Before She Knew) (Teen, 1/1)

2025-09-10T18:57:48Z

Title: Five Moments in Liz Shaw's Life as an Alien (and One Before She Knew)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters/Pairing(s): Liz Shaw, Third Doctor, the Brig, Benton
Rating: Teen
Word count: 1,681
Spoilers: None
Summary: Liz Shaw, unexpectedly always an alien.

Author's notes: Written for the Always an Alien square on my Keep Fandom Weird bingo card. Thanks to platypus for the beta.

( fic, after the cut )

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The Satchel (1/1, all ages)

2025-09-07T20:32:32Z

Title: The Satchel
Fandom: Star Trek: Discovery, Star Trek: Strange New Worlds
Characters/Pairing(s): Jett Reno, Pelia
Rating: All ages
Word count: 1,998
Spoilers: None
Summary: "Truth is, I used to move hard-to-find folios for a shady antiquarian archivist."

Author's notes: Written for the Accidental Baby Acquisition square on my Keep Fandom Weird bingo card. Hey, it didn't say that had to be a human baby!

Thanks to lizbee for both the beta and the idea that Jett Reno and Pelia needed to have shenanigans together. I would honestly watch six seasons and a movie of these two.

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: The Boundless Sky (Gen, 1/1)

2025-09-02T14:50:18Z

Title: Once More, This Time to the Left
Fandom: Star Trek: Discovery
Characters/Pairing(s): Michael Burnham, Amanda Grayson, Sarek, Spock, Gabrielle Burnham
Rating: All ages
Word count: 1,961
Spoilers: None
Summary: Growing up as a human on Vulcan is hard. Growing up as a human with wings is even harder.

Author's notes: Written for the Wingfic square on my Keep Fandom Weird bingo card. Hey, it's baby's first wingfic!

Some dialogue taken from "Such Sweet Sorrow," parts 1 & 2. Many thanks to lizbee for the beta.

::xposted to AO3

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: Once More, This Time to the Left (1/1, All ages)

2024-10-24T23:06:42Z

Title: Once More, This Time to the Left
Fandom: Star Trek: Discovery
Characters/Pairing(s): Katrina Cornwell, Carl the Guardian of Forever, Michael Burnham
Rating: All ages
Word count: 500
Spoilers: None
Summary: You made your choice, Kat thought, and her body burst into starlight. Five connected drabbles about what happens to Kat after the torpedo explodes.

Author's notes: Covers prompts for “You made your choice,” “Seated together at a bar,” and “Where is Katrina Cornwell right now?” Many thanks to lizbee, who both beta’d this story and inspired it with a question I wondered about when I beta’d her Katoberfest2024 story even though it turns out I already knew the answer because I'd beta'd previous stories of hers. All I can say in my defense is that it's been a long goddamned year.

::xposted to AO3 and Ad Astra

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: Anonyparty (1/1, Adult)

2023-09-18T16:18:20Z

Title: Anonyparty
Fandom: Star Trek: Discovery, Star Trek: Strange New Worlds
Characters/Pairing(s): Katrina Cornwell/Original Universe Gabriel Lorca, Katrina Cornwell/Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Pelia
Rating: Adult
Word count: 3,477
Spoilers: None
Summary: The invitation arrived in Kat’s Starbase 16 quarters wrapped around the napkin accompanying her replicated cumin lamb and noodles. ANONYPARTY 37. Storage bay Gamma-12 at 2100. No uniforms. No ranks. No shop talk. No regrets.

Author's notes: Look, sometimes you're having a nice Discord chat with a friend about whether Katrina Cornwell needs a boytoy and whether that boytoy would be Montgomery Scott and next thing you know, this happened. Many thanks to lizbee for the beta and the prompt "shore leave, no one is in uniform, conversations about jobs and ranks don't come until AFTER and then everyone is a sensible adult."

::xposted to AO3 and Ad Astra

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: BETTINA (1/1, all ages)

2023-09-05T18:21:20Z

Title: BETTINA
Characters/Pairing(s): Fourth Doctor
Rating: All ages
Word count: 6,397
Spoilers: None
Summary: The Fourth Doctor must protect a scientist and her invention from the people who want to exploit it. Entry for Big Finish's 2023 Paul Spragg Memorial Short Trip Opportunity.

Author's Notes: Obviously, I didn't win this year's Big Finish story competition – but I still love this story a lot. Many thanks to Platypus for beta work.

The engine technology described in this story is real, but not ready for commercialization yet.

::xposted to dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and AO3

( fic, after the cut )

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Rara Avis (1/1, Teen, Gritty/Murph)

2022-06-18T01:58:30Z

Did I mean to write Gritty/Murph-the-terrifying-new-NERF-mascot fic? No. Did I wonder if it existed, discover it didn't, and thereby set my brain off on a YOU MUST WRITE THIS spiral? Uh. Well.

Rara Avis, on AO3.

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Fic: A Scattering of Stars (1/1, Adult)

2022-04-01T14:43:00Z

Title: A Scattering of Stars
Characters/Pairing(s): Thirteenth Doctor/Dhawan!Master
Rating: Adult
Word count: 3,553
Spoilers: through Flux
Summary: After the Flux had chewed its way through the universe, after the Doctor had let her friends off for a brief stop to comfort their families, after she’d found herself flat on her back in the console room pointedly trying not to listen for her previous voices whispering to her from somewhere deep and unknown within her ship, she’d heard an entirely different voice calling to her and had known she had to follow it.

Author's Notes: Many thanks to my beta platypus, who found all the rookie mistakes a writer makes when cranking up the fic skills after a year off.

::xposted to dwfiction and dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and AO3

( fic, after the cut )

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The Sixteenth Move (1/1, Adult)

2020-12-30T19:09:40Z

Title: The Sixteenth Move
Characters/Pairing(s): River Song/Dhawan!Master
Rating: Adult
Word count: 2,544
Spoilers: none
Contains: pegging
Summary: "I assure you," River said, draping herself over the Master's back so she could nip at his earlobe, "the Doctor isn't involved in this in any way. And he definitely doesn't know I'm here, or he'd probably be here, too, trying to stop me from doing something he'd call 'foolish and dangerous.' Spoilsport."

Author's Notes: I wanted to write one more fic this year, and looks like there's no River/Dhawan!Master. Shame on you, fandom! Fortunately, this is a fixable problem.

::xposted to dwfiction and dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and AO3

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: Fragment of a Fragment (1/1, all ages)

2020-05-18T13:10:56Z

Title: Fragment of a Fragment
Characters/Pairing(s): Eleventh Doctor, the TARDIS
Rating: All ages
Word count: 436
Spoilers: none
Summary: A quiet moment between a Time Lord and his most faithful companion.

Author's Notes: For nostalgia, who wanted Doctor/TARDIS for her birthday. Happy birthday, Nos!

::xposted to dwfiction and dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and AO3

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: The Question-Mark Curve of a Cat's Tail (1/1, Adult)

2020-05-13T19:02:57Z

Title: The Question-Mark Curve of a Cat's Tail
Characters/Pairing(s): Tenth Doctor/Missy
Rating: Adult
Word count: 2,780
Spoilers: none
Summary: “Doctor. We’ve always had the same set of mutual priorities, and they always boil down to ‘being together,’ give or take a little murder.” Missy unpinned her hat, sent it spinning over one of the bedpoles. “Today’s not about murder, in case you haven’t already worked that out.”

Author's Notes: Many thanks to my beta platypus, who finds what needs fixing when I can no longer see it. Story not specifically based on this delightful Ten/Missy fanart by valc0 on Tumblr, but it's what made me think to write this pairing in the first place, and the artist deserves credit for that.

::xposted to dwfiction and dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and AO3

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: The Cold Curve of the Moon (1/1, Teen)

2020-05-08T00:10:54Z

Title: The Cold Curve of the Moon
Characters/Pairing(s): Tenth Doctor/Reinette
Rating: Teen
Word count: 200
Summary: Reinette never tells the Doctor that when she stepped into his mind, she saw more than just his past.

Author's Notes: I rewatched Girl in the Fireplace the other day as part of #LockdownWho, and I just had to write a little bit more about Reinette. Double drabble.

:: archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and AO3
( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: Round the Back Way (1/1, Adult)

2020-01-15T14:36:25Z

Title: Round the Back Way
Characters/Pairing(s): Thirteenth Doctor/Dhawan!Master
Rating: Adult
Word count: 2,450
Spoilers: through Spyfall part 2
Summary: “I’ve just had the most infuriating 77 years of my life,” the Master says. “Have you any idea how hard it is to live through the twentieth century? The places I’ve escaped from ...”

Author's Notes: Thanks as always to platypus for the beta. And really and truly, that joke in there that sounds vaguely familiar was written five days before "Orphan 55" aired.

::xposted to dwfiction and dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and AO3

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: The Cliffs of Pandarium (1/1, Adult)

2020-01-10T01:09:46Z

Title: The Cliffs of Pandarium
Characters/Pairing(s): Tenth Doctor/Dhawan!Master
Rating: Adult
Word count: 200
Spoilers: none
Summary: A year after the Year That Never Was, the new new Master finds the pinstriped Doctor on a wind-whipped cliff.

Author's Notes: Double drabble because Nos wanted to know who cried more while having sex, Ten or Dhawan!Master. (I voted for Ten, but honestly, "both cry" is a valid answer.)

::archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and AO3

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: Catch Me If You Can (1/1, Adult)

2019-12-31T16:34:31Z

Title: Catch Me If You Can
Characters/Pairing(s): River Song/River Song
Rating: Adult
Word count: 1,489
Spoilers: none
Contains: light bondage (gagging)
Summary: "Funny," River said, "all that time-travelling, and this is the first time I've met myself."

Author's Notes: Many thanks to platypus for the incredibly last-minute beta of my one and only fic this year. I got it in just under the wire, YESSSSS.

::xposted to dwfiction and dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and AO3

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: Korea, 1950-Something (1/1, Teen)

2018-12-29T15:20:04Z

Title: Korea, 1950-Something
Characters/Pairing(s): Rory Williams/Hawkeye Pierce
Rating: Teen
Word count: 3639
Spoilers: none
Contains: infidelity (sort of)
Summary: Something's making the Korean War last eight years longer than it should for a MASH unit – the unit where Rory Williams waits, trapped in time, for Amy and the Doctor to return. Crossover with M*A*S*H.

Author's Notes: This fic is entirely Nostalgia's fault. Many thanks to platypus and my long-suffering spouse for their beta work.

::xposted to dwfiction and dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and AO3

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: The Incredible Shrinking Doctor (1/1, Adult)

2018-04-26T22:55:21Z

Title: The Incredible Shrinking Doctor
Characters/Pairing(s): Eleventh Doctor/River Song
Rating: Adult
Word count: 664
Spoilers: none
Contains: light bondage, pegging, shrinking
Summary: He’s not supposed to be half his size today. He’s not supposed to be half-sized any day, but things happen, you know, like quantum temporal-magnetic fluctuations in the Vortex, things the TARDIS is supposed to be able to compensate for any day, anytime, except possibly for the occasional random leap picosecond, and sure enough, today is that day.

Author's Notes: I blame nostalgia for this. She knows what she did.

::xposted to dwfiction and dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and AO3

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: A Quiet Empire (1/1, Teen)

2018-04-03T13:13:08Z

Title: A Quiet Empire
Word Count: 13,466
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Trek: Discovery
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Relationships: Michael Burnham/Mirror Gabriel Lorca
Characters: Mirror Philippa Georgiou, Mirror Ellen Landry, Mirror Gabriel Lorca, Michael Burnham
Additional Tags: no happy-ever-after, No Romance, Non-Violent Non-Con, mind games and general effed-upness, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
Summary: Canon divergence AU from "What's Past is Prologue." Lorca wins the battle in the throne room, and Michael must make good on her promise to stay with him.

Notes: Re-emphasizing a couple of points from the tags: while this is noncon, it is nonviolent ... just still, y'know, messed up. Also, this is not a fic where Burnham and Lorca are going to get a happy ending.

Immense thanks to lizbee for her beta services, especially for her attention to canon detail. You'd think an American who grew up with Star Trek would be more familiar with it than an Australian, but you'd be very wrong.

Read it on AO3

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Fic: It's All We Know Now to Never Go Back (1/1, Adult)

2018-01-27T22:15:45Z

Title: It's All We Know Now to Never Go Back
Fandoms: crossover between Star Trek: Discovery and Doctor Who
Pairing: Gabriel Lorca/River Song
Word count: 2965 words
Rating: Explicit
Contains: very mild BDSM (slapping, briefly holding someone down)

Summary: The woman, a curly-haired dirty blonde squeezed into white leather and tight trousers, was stretched out on the brig’s bunk with her arms crossed behind her head. She also had an empty gun holster from which Tyler had extracted a compact phaser of unknown origin and which Lorca had already pocketed for future research. “It was very kind of you to provide a pillow, by the way,” River said. “Not every prison’s quite so thoughtful, and I should know.”

Read it on AO3

(It always feels so weird not posting a fic to Teaspoon, but this really is more of a Discovery fic than a Doctor Who one, and therefore doesn't quite belong on Teaspoon.)

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Fic: The Man in the Brown Tweed Jacket (Teen, 1/1)

2017-12-01T15:26:36Z

Title: The Man in the Brown Tweed Jacket
Characters/Pairing(s): Twelfth Doctor/Liz Shaw
Rating: Teen
Word count: 4,585
Spoilers: none
Warnings: none
Beta: platypus
Summary: Though Liz is surrounded by men in brown tweed jackets at the Thirteenth Annual Astrophysical Society Conference, there's one man who stands out from the crowd.

Author's Notes: Way back at the beginning of S10, someone mentioned to me that Twelve's time on Earth would overlap with Liz and Three, and I've wanted to write something with Twelve/Liz ever since. (Although this story takes place somewhat after Liz has left UNIT.)

::xposted to dwfiction and dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and Archive of Our Own

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: A Brief History of Time (1/1, adult)

2017-10-09T13:26:07Z

Title: A Brief History of Time
Characters/Pairing(s): Bill Potts/Romana II
Rating: Adult
Word count: 3,050
Spoilers: none
Warnings: none
Beta: platypus
Summary: Visiting Romana at the bookshop became a habit. Or it began to look like it could take on the shape of a habit, because it was now three days in a row Bill had stopped by after work, and in the wee hours of the morning, she’d dreamt of the mossy scent of old paper, and of a twirl of blonde hair round her fingers.

Author's Notes: Because I wanted to write something nice for Bill, and there was no Bill/Romana II out there, and clearly someone had to fix that problem.

::xposted to dwfiction and dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and Archive of Our Own

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: The Trolley Problem (Adult, 1/1)

2017-08-17T01:05:26Z

Title: The Trolley Problem
Characters/Pairing(s): Twelfth Doctor/Missy/Simm!Master; brief appearances from Bill and Nardole
Rating: Adult
Word count: 7,131
Spoilers: through "The Doctor Falls"
Warnings: none
Beta: platypus
Summary: Two weeks and four ethical dilemmas in the life of Missy, Queen of Evil.

::xposted to dwfiction and dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and Archive of Our Own

( fic, after the cut )

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Fic: The Children of the Moon Are Heavy as Stones (1/1, Adult; crossover with Class)

2016-12-31T14:35:37Z

Title: The Children of the Moon Are Heavy as Stones
Characters/Pairing(s): Twelfth Doctor/Miss Quill
Rating: Adult
Word count: 2,700
Spoilers: takes place during Quill's hibernation in Class S01E08, "The Lost"
Contains: brief references to tentacle!sex
Summary: "You're in hibernation," the Doctor said softly. "The one time a Quill's unconscious mind is apt to wander."

Author's Notes: Probably won't make much sense unless you've seen Class. Me, I'm just glad I finished another story this year.

::xposted to dwfiction and dwfiction, and archived at A Teaspoon And An Open Mind and Archive of Our Own

( fic, after the cut )

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