monkeys and ponies

Oh, man, this was so hard, because I haven't written Bernard in nearly a year. But here he is, 100 words exactly.

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“There you are,” said Lisa, plucking Bernard from his perch on the toilet tank. “How’d you end up here?”

“Alice held me during the conga line. Then she and Stephen engaged in –”

“Never mind, I don’t want to know.”

“Despite their enthusiasm for one another, I remain undamaged, Lisa.”

“Seriously, spare me. You would not believe my hangover.”

“Why would your hangover lie to me, Lisa?”

Lisa sighed. “I have got to patch you for metaphors. And maybe some tact.”

“I eagerly await the upgrade,” said Bernard, and grinned happily as Lisa marched him back to her room.