It may be my favorite bit in the story, though I did wonder if it needed to be pulled in favor of more sex.
Oh, I think there's sufficient sex, even within that paragraph. And it works well for the pacing, adds some variety, and has some great lines.
I have some other instances in the story where I describe Jack's reactions, so that one didn't feel out of place to me.
Hmm. I really never thought you left Ianto's head, otherwise. There's nothing else that felt beyond what he can observe or assume, and it all feels filtered through him. And there's that delightful justification for how he knows Jack's smiling in the early part.
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ninetydegrees
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on 2007-07-07 12:51 am (UTC)Oh, I think there's sufficient sex, even within that paragraph. And it works well for the pacing, adds some variety, and has some great lines.
I have some other instances in the story where I describe Jack's reactions, so that one didn't feel out of place to me.
Hmm. I really never thought you left Ianto's head, otherwise. There's nothing else that felt beyond what he can observe or assume, and it all feels filtered through him. And there's that delightful justification for how he knows Jack's smiling in the early part.