This icon perfectly expresses what my day has been like. Please help me improve my mood by participating in this fic meme, stolen from the_tenzo: Comment with a story I've written, and I will tell you something about the story that didn't make it onto the page.
The original draft of that story is pretty close to the final one, except that the sex scene was shorter in the original. But the big change from the early draft is that I dropped a couple lines Rose had where she explained to the Doctor that it was okay to sleep with him because she and Handy had an open relationship. platypus thought it was unnecessary and distracting, and she was right.
I also dropped this line from the end of the scene right before the sex scene, because it was awful: Rose tastes like tea, he thinks; like tea, and sugar, and desire.
It cracks me up that I completely overlooked that line. I remember reading it, but it just didn't elicit a reaction. Yes, it reads better without it. :)
I am laughing to myself over here, because my thought process when cutting that line was "Huh, platypus didn't mention it, so it can't be that bad ... no, really, it's that bad, and the scene works fine without it."
Because clearly it's okay to sleep with him because he's the Doctor and no other explanation is necessary. I mean....I don't have an open relationship but I think everyone would be more than understanding if I had a chance to have sex with the Doctor. That's part of everyone's marriage vows, right?
I swear I have fics that changed substantially between original draft and what was posted, but apparently, "Inappropriate" wasn't one of them -- I literally had to resort to my text editor's diffing tool to find the few changes I made. Fewer than 75 words changed between each draft!
The only significant change is in this paragraph: One thrust, and he leans forward to twirl his tongue around a nipple until it stiffens and crinkles, then brings it back down to size with a rush of heat from his mouth. Breasts are a terrific invention, he decides, as he plants kisses at the side of this one while exploring the curves of the other one with his hand. They’re soft and springy and responsive to his lightest touch, a touch Rose seems to appreciate, given the noises she’s making and the way she’s grinding against him now.
Originally, the third sentence read They’re soft and springy and responsive to his lightest touch; it’s as though Rose has conveniently supplied toys on her body to keep him entertained. The metaphor was a little too silly, even for that story, so out it went.
Finally, one where a ton of material got left out of the final draft!
"Without a Hitch" started completely differently, even to the point of having a different title ("Ghosts of Las Vegas"). It was going to be a cracking action-adventure where Sarah Jane took a freelance assignment for a travel magazine that wanted a puff piece on ghosts in Las Vegas. She was going to investigate various ghost sightings, which of course were really all hype and no ghost, until she ran into Nine in a bar and they ended up dealing with a ghost sighting that turned out to be hostile aliens. Wacky Las Vegas hijinks would have ensued.
This all got canned because I realized pretty quickly that cracking action-adventure requires a plot, which I am pretty much incapable of writing. What I had on the page sat there limply until I threw it all out and started over with what became the final story. I keep thinking I should try to write the prequel, in case the rumors of Rusty using a similar plot in one of the specials turn out to be true, but it may be that this story will only ever work in my head and not on the page.
"Splinters," unlike "Without a Hitch," is one of those stories that went directly from my brain, to TextEdit, to the comment box on the kinkmeme. There's nothing left out of it, and I think the only edit between the original and final version is that I changed the order of one phrase: gnarled-hand-in-hand became hand-in-gnarled-hand, because the modifier causes less confusion in the second position (and also because I like the rhythm better).
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2009-01-30 11:06 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-01-30 11:30 pm (UTC)I also dropped this line from the end of the scene right before the sex scene, because it was awful: Rose tastes like tea, he thinks; like tea, and sugar, and desire.
no subject
on 2009-01-30 11:33 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-01-30 11:54 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-01-30 11:44 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-01-30 11:55 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-01-30 11:59 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-01-31 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-01-31 01:45 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-01-31 02:00 am (UTC)The only significant change is in this paragraph: One thrust, and he leans forward to twirl his tongue around a nipple until it stiffens and crinkles, then brings it back down to size with a rush of heat from his mouth. Breasts are a terrific invention, he decides, as he plants kisses at the side of this one while exploring the curves of the other one with his hand. They’re soft and springy and responsive to his lightest touch, a touch Rose seems to appreciate, given the noises she’s making and the way she’s grinding against him now.
Originally, the third sentence read They’re soft and springy and responsive to his lightest touch; it’s as though Rose has conveniently supplied toys on her body to keep him entertained. The metaphor was a little too silly, even for that story, so out it went.
no subject
on 2009-01-31 02:27 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-01-31 03:56 am (UTC)Also, if you can do it for a kinkmeme story, the Nine/Jabe one that I adooooore.
no subject
on 2009-01-31 03:58 pm (UTC)"Without a Hitch" started completely differently, even to the point of having a different title ("Ghosts of Las Vegas"). It was going to be a cracking action-adventure where Sarah Jane took a freelance assignment for a travel magazine that wanted a puff piece on ghosts in Las Vegas. She was going to investigate various ghost sightings, which of course were really all hype and no ghost, until she ran into Nine in a bar and they ended up dealing with a ghost sighting that turned out to be hostile aliens. Wacky Las Vegas hijinks would have ensued.
This all got canned because I realized pretty quickly that cracking action-adventure requires a plot, which I am pretty much incapable of writing. What I had on the page sat there limply until I threw it all out and started over with what became the final story. I keep thinking I should try to write the prequel, in case the rumors of Rusty using a similar plot in one of the specials turn out to be true, but it may be that this story will only ever work in my head and not on the page.
"Splinters," unlike "Without a Hitch," is one of those stories that went directly from my brain, to TextEdit, to the comment box on the kinkmeme. There's nothing left out of it, and I think the only edit between the original and final version is that I changed the order of one phrase: gnarled-hand-in-hand became hand-in-gnarled-hand, because the modifier causes less confusion in the second position (and also because I like the rhythm better).