nonelvis | Uh. So. Right. There's This Fic Thingy.

I do not write RPF, I swear. It squicks me. But then

significantowl had a prompt in the

lifeonmartha 1,000 Drabbles of Awesome challenge to write a story with the Doctor, Martha, and Jack on QI, and I could not resist.

I'll post the rest of the drabbles once the challenge is over, but

columbina felt I owed it to the no-doubt vast community of Doctor Who and QI crossover fans to post this immediately.

"The mythical inhabitants of this planet are generally known by an alternate adjective," said Stephen. "Which planet is it, and why is the alternate term used?"

The Doctor slapped his buzzer, which emitted a low gonging sound. "The Venusians aren't mythical!" he said, indignant. "They're a lovely people, very spiritual, with a highly advanced form of martial arts which I'm not ashamed to say I completely mastered despite being down four arms."

Martha rolled her eyes. Bad enough she had to appear on the special Torchwood edition of QI; she had to do it with the universe's biggest know-it-all as well. In this case, though, with her medical knowledge of Latin, she had one up on him.

Martha's buzzer chimed delicately as she rang in. "The proper adjective is 'Venereal,'" she said. "But most astronomers don't use it because it sounds like a nasty disease."

"Very nasty," Jack added. "Good thing I had all my shots years ago. Not that I'd have caught anything from the Venusians – their biology isn't compatible that way. But it's compatible in every other way that counts."

The Doctor and Martha sighed simultaneously, and Martha made another tick mark on the mental list she was keeping of species Jack claimed to have slept with. It was a remarkably long list.

Another buzzer sounded: this time, a chicken clucking, as the last member of the party rang in. "Did you know Venus is made entirely out of felt?" Alan said.

Stephen chuckled and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Alan, you've stolen Rich's joke, so it's negative five points for you. Which means that as we calculate the final scores, our winner this evening, squeaking by with seven points, is the Doctor."

"Squeaking by? Squeaking by? Who on earth could have even come close?"

"... in second place with six points, the delightful and clever Martha Jones ..."

Martha stuck her tongue out playfully at the Doctor, and was rewarded with a surprisingly flustered look in exchange.

"... in third place, rather shockingly, we have Alan Davies, with two points, which means that tonight's loser, with a stunning minus fifteen points, is Captain Jack Harkness!"

Jack started to laugh. "Outstanding!"

"Yes, losing to Alan is a rare feat indeed, though not necessarily one that calls for pride of accomplishment," said Stephen.

"You're missing the point," Jack replied, a devilish grin still on his face. "We had a bet going before the show. The loser has to sleep with all the winners. And I am a very, very good loser."