Cracked-out theory #9,428 about the origins of a character in DW S4x06

[nonelvis]

Assuming Jenny is a clone of some kind -- because why let anyone other than Moffat imply the Doctor has had sex? -- and assuming that the hand is the source of the Doctor's DNA, then obviously Jack created Jenny by merging his DNA with the hand's DNA, and impregnated himself with the child to prove his love for the Doctor. This also explains the TW S1 "never doing that again" mpreg remark.

Someone, probably not me, needs to write this.


SEARCH YOUR FEELINGS. YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE.

Comments

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

.........er, I think that could actually work. At least it does in my head. Oh, dear.

[nonelvis]

I emailed platypus about this earlier today, asking "why has no one written this yet," which she said obligated me to write it. And though I am supposed to be working on "Donna saves the world with her cleavage" for a Donna ficathon, I just might have to put that down for a couple of days to write this.

Maybe.

[iainpj.livejournal.com]

No, no! Donna's cleavage must save the world first! Plus, I want to know how she does that. Does she open her blouse, and the radiant glow from her fair bosom blinds the attacking aliens? Do the aliens turn out to be wee tiny things that have grossly miscalculated, and they just fall in and become lost, looking for sentient life to conquer and finding only voluptuous skin mites? Does she run into a virus that gives them each faces and independent personalities? [Believe it or not, I just read a superhero comic in which one of the villains in fact had breasts with faces and theater-mask personalities.] Or is their magic released through contact with the Doctor and his "sonic screwdriver"? Is there, in short, rumpy-pumpy? Inquiring minds must know!

[nonelvis]

None of the above, though now I'm wondering if you should write the story instead of me. And I'm sorry, but all sex is offscreen. However, if you want Donna and a little rumpy-pumpy, I can certainly recommend some stories ... including this one if you've seen episodes 4 & 5. (The sex is mostly offscreen on this one, too, but it uses the classic porn-film setup of "let's initiate the virgin," so it's funny as hell.)

[iainpj.livejournal.com]

Er ... no, I don't think I really should write an entire story about the wondrous power of breasts, somehow. (I just keep flashing to the Eddie Izzard comedy routine, with "a woman made of breasts", which would SO be the sort of thing the doctor would run into, if they could get away with showing it. Background character in the hospital on New New Earth, perhaps.)

Regarding that first point you raise ... the Doctor did tell Rose that he was a dad once, and we've seen his granddaughter, way back in the Troughton days. Maybe he just loops back into his distant past and runs into Susan's mother when she was younger.

Or Jack lost his mind for want and love of the doctor (plus, it had been a few thousand years, and he was both massively bored and more than slightly drunk at the time), cobbled together cloning machinery from left-behind alien artifacts, this being pre-Torchwood days, and then bore a child, walking some early peoples through the process of doing the first cesarian entirely without anesthetic (because, having been massively bored and more than slightly drunk when he conceived this ... er, conception, he didn't even vaguely think this through). Unable or unwilling to raise her, feckless man that he is (plus explaining the whole thing was quite beyond him), he gave her up to a human family, trusting that she'd be safe without him. Alas, the doctor's genes will out, and somehow, unbeknownst to Daddies dearest, she hitched a ride into space with some passing aliens, and was never seen on earth again.

[nonelvis]

I think I came to my senses late yesterday when I realized that even writing jokes about Jack/Hand kind of squicked me, so odds are the few paragraphs I finished will never see the light of day.

By the way, Digital Spy printed its usual assortment of pre-episode real and fake tidbits, and one of the items is that (spoiler-coded in white text) Jenny tells the Doctor about seeing someone named Susan die during the Time War. It would just kill me if this one turns out to be true.

[kalleah.livejournal.com]

You are a genius. It's so obvious. You need to write it.

[nonelvis]

I tried, but apparently, there are lines even I can't cross. Don't ask me why I can write Jack/Zombie!Owen with body parts falling off but can't seem to write Jack/Hand without squicking myself.

(Writing the story in first person probably didn't help any, but my concept wouldn't have worked with another POV.)

[kalleah.livejournal.com]

(Writing the story in first person probably didn't help any, but my concept wouldn't have worked with another POV.)

Who is the first person? Please, please let it be the Hand. I can see it perfectly.

...

A Week In the Life of The Doctor's Hand

Monday.
Damn pterodactyl chewed on my lid again today. If there were two of me I'd strangle it.

Tuesday.
Owen changed my solution. About damn time. It was getting cloudy. Wanker.

Wednesday.
Gwen didn't even notice when I gave her the finger. If I can get to some scissors, I'm trimming her fringe.

Thursday.
If Tosh makes another one of her "Thank you, Thing" jokes, I am going to poke her eyes out.

Friday.
My wrist itches and there's not a damn thing in the world I can do about it.

Saturday.
Is anyone going to tell Ianto that there's no point in trying to scrub mold off the walls here? And I do not need a coaster under my jar.

Sunday.
Don't ask where Jack made me put my thumb.

ETA: I posted this to my own journal, and blamed you publicly. :)

[nonelvis]

I am giggling so hard over here, especially over that last line.

Just for that, I'll give you the last paragraph of the Jack/Hand thing I wrote. It's unedited and therefore a little rougher than I'd like, but you'll get the idea:

I've warmed it in a hot towel first, because otherwise it's like wanking with a dead fish in one hand, and trust me, that's less fun than it sounds. I tried to draw things out – this should be a special time right now between a man and his crush's severed hand – but imagining that hand attached to him, it gets me going like nothing else.

[kalleah.livejournal.com]

Snort.

Hand lotion?

[nonelvis]

I never got that far in the story, which is probably for the best.